Exploring pleasure: lesbian sex tips for deeper connection

Whether it’s your first time or your thousandth, there’s always more to explore when it comes to 

deepening connection and pleasure in your lesbian relationship. We’ve gathered practical advice on enhancing pleasure, communication, and intimacy in lesbian sex. Keep reading for juicy sex tips for lesbians.

What we talk about when we talk about lesbian sex

How do we define sex here? Let’s just clarify that when we talk about lesbian sex, we’re talking about sex between women, so this article will focus its attention there. That said, not all women identify as lesbian, so the tips and guidance in this article are all applicable to bisexual, pansexual, queer and even heterosexual relationships. And it is certainly not limited to cisgender couples, either.

Myths and misinformation about lesbian sex

When it comes to lesbian sex and sexual activity, there’s plenty of false and misleading information out there. And we’re about to set the record straight (well, not necessarily straight, if you know what we mean).

Myth 1: It’s more intuitive because you’re both women

First of all, not all women have the same genitals, so even if both parties identify as women, their bodies may be quite different. Second of all, every body is different anyways and everyone experiences (and gives) pleasure in different ways.

Myth 2: Someone has to play the man

Lesbian sex is not a piece of theater, and no one needs to play the role of the “the man” (unless this somehow plays into someone’s very specific fantasy). One of the really wonderful things about lesbian sex – and one that allows for so much pleasure and connection – is that there are no predefined or prescribed gender roles.

Myth 3: You absolutely have to…

Any sex advice that begins like that is likely off the mark.

So while using sex toys (like a strap-on) can absolutely be incorporated into lesbian sex, it is by no means the only way for two women to have sex.

Same for scissoring: this is neither obligatory nor the only way for women to have sex. 

Myth 3: Lesbian sex means no need to worry about STIs or pregnancy

Wrong again! STIs can be transmitted no matter your genitals, and pregnancy remains a concern in lesbian sex if one partner has a penis and the other a vagina.

Hot tips for maximizing lesbian pleasure and connection in lesbian relationships

Now that we’ve debunked some widespread myths about lesbian sex, let’s get into the fun part: maximizing lesbian pleasure and connection.

Know thyself

If you haven’t done the ole hand mirror exercise, now’s the time. Grab that compact pronto and check out your own body. Get to know what you look like and feel like. And then experiment with pleasuring yourself. Yes, we are talking about masturbating as a tool for enhancing your pleasure with someone else. What kind of touch do you like? What kind of pressure? If you don’t know what you like and how your body responds to pleasure, it may be hard to help guide your partner.

Communication is key

That brings us right to our second point: For good, fulfilling lesbian sex, you have to be able to communicate with your partner about what you want and like, and also, about what you don’t want or like. Consent is the first piece of the puzzle and it’s important at every step of the way. It begins as simply as asking, “Can I kiss you?” or “Can I touch you there?”. The fun stuff begins with questions like “What do you like?” or saying, “Touch me here.” Make sure that both you and your partner feel safe, comfortable and heard.

Bodies bodies bodies

Sex encapsulates all kinds of touch and stimulation and everyone has their own preferred erogenous zones. That’s why communication is so important when it comes to sexual activity. It’s also OK not to know exactly what you want, but to feel in a safe enough place with your partner to try new things. Exploring together and having fun is a great way to deepen connection and pleasure in a lesbian relationship.

Breast and nipple play in lesbian sex

Some women enjoy breast and nipple play, for example, but not everyone does. This can include rubbing, sucking or gently pulling the nipples.

Genital and anal stimulation

Stimulating the genitals or anus is common in lesbian sex and can be done using fingers, hands, mouths, other body parts or sex toys. Depending on if your partner has a vulva or penis, the technique of stimulation may be different. For those with a vulva, clitoral stimulation is a great way to bring pleasure.

Penetration

Sex does not necessarily mean penetrative sex, but it certainly can! Again, with consent, this is something you can explore with your partner, trying anal or vaginal penetration. This can be done using your hands or sex toys and it can be a great way to literally deepen the pleasure.

Positions for lesbian sex

For a very robust guide to lesbian sexual positions, feel free to refer to our article on the lesbian kama sutra for some broader inspiration. There are many, many options, depending on your bodies, anatomy, flexibility and moods. Missionary, scissoring, doggy-style – figure out what works best for you and your partner, both from a physical perspective and an emotional one. Which positions bring the most pleasure? And which foster connection in your lesbian relationship?

Safe sex, always

Please remember that lesbian sex, which we define as sex between people who identify as some, should be practiced safely. We mean with both emotional and physical safety in mind. Consent is a must. And STIs can indeed be transmitted in lesbian sexual activity, so be sure to use protection (condoms, dental dams, hand hygiene, etc.) and to get screened for STIs as needed. Pregnancy is also possible if one partner has a penis and the other a vagina, so contraceptives are important to remember as well.

How to ensure deep pleasure and connection in your lesbian relationship

It’s so hard to distil lesbian sex down into just a few key tips, but if we had to, we’d say: 

Know your body and be ready to explore

Don’t be limited by misconceptions about lesbian sex

Communicate, get consent, and practice safe sex

Enjoy deep pleasure and connection