Romantic, emotional partnerships between people who identify as women may be called lesbian relationships or queer relationships. No two relationships look the same, and lesbian relationships exist on a spectrum, just as other relationships do. A lesbian relationship can be monogamous, polyamorous, long-term or more casual…it depends on the preferences and choices of each or all members of the relationship. And it’s thanks to the long history of the LGBTQ rights movement, including the famous Stonewall uprising in Greenwich Village back in 1969, that these relationships have the visibility they have today.
In this article, we’ll discuss some relationship advice for queer & lesbian relationships on the topics of love, sex and connection. Keep reading for more.
Finding love in the queer & lesbian community
Finding love in the lesbian community is like finding love for anyone. Sometimes, people fall in love, just like that. And sometimes love can grow slowly over time. Where do lesbians find or fall in love? Well, there are a number of options.
Check out the apps
As dating apps seem to be the most popular way for people to meet these days, queer or lesbian love can certainly get its start online. Apps like Tinder, Hinge, Zoe and others are popular in the queer & lesbian community when it comes to finding someone special or sparking a new connection.
Meet-cutes are real
Good, old-fashioned chance is still in play. You might experience a meet-cute straight out of a rom-com, where you literally bump into someone cute on the street and then share a long, intimate gaze… You never know what can happen IRL.
Friends & shared interests
There’s always the possibility of a set up through friends or mutual connections within the queer or lesbian community. There’s also the chance of meeting someone special through a club, organization or other set of shared interests, like a yoga class, gallery opening or trivia night at a bar. Keep your eyes and hearts open wherever you are.
Sex advice for queer & lesbian relationship
Good sex means different things in different relationships, regardless of sexual orientation. Though consent, communication and pleasure are essential – as is knowing your own body. If you’re not sure what you like, get to know yourself, whether with a hand mirror or through masturbating, or a little bit of both. That will just make sex better and more pleasurable within a relationship with someone else. And for queer & lesbian relationships, sex toys like strap-ons can be a goddess-send. Strap-ons are the most popular sex toys for lesbians and LGBTQ+ couples, enabling hands-free penetrative sex and all kinds of fun. And one of the most important pieces of advice: Always, always, always: practice safe sex.
Strengthening connection in queer & lesbian relationship
A healthy lesbian relationship is founded on all the things you might expect: love, respect, communication, intimacy, trust…and in order to strengthen connection, especially with an eye towards long-term relationships, these are the basics you need to work on and develop. And yes, even if you fall in love in an instant, building a connection does take work.
Here are a few things to remember to keep in mind to foster a strong connection in your queer or lesbian relationship.
Open up the channels of communication
Any strong relationship – lesbian relationships included – requires healthy communication. This means active listening, where both or all parties are present and attentive. This means being vulnerable and honest and patient, in the short term as well as over time. Communication isn’t only about words, either; it can involve eye contact and physical touch (which we will get to next). Make sure you can talk about what’s important to you, how you feel, what your dreams and fears are.
Get physical
Physical touch is also important when it comes to strengthening connection over time – and that doesn’t only mean sex. Though sex, too, can be a real path to deepening intimacy and connection (see above for our sex advice for queer & lesbian relationships). Regular hugs, kissing, and light touch whenever possible, especially when communicating, can be a great way to reinforce your connection. Simple points of physical touch, like cuddling or holding hands release the love hormone oxytocin, strengthening the feeling of connection. Even small gestures have big consequences for maintaining emotional intimacy in a healthy lesbian relationship.
Don’t forget to have fun
Yes, a healthy lesbian relationship takes work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Part of building these relationships and strengthening connections is about sharing new experiences and creating new memories together. Have fun, go out, plan date nights or parties, be a part of your local queer or lesbian community – whatever is fun for your couple or relationship. Flirt with each other, or even with other people (if that’s your thing). Make one another smile and laugh/
Remember self-care
In a serious relationship, it can be easy to forget yourself. But one of the most important pillars of any relationship is self-care. Self-care comes in myriad forms – it can mean taking time for yourself in a variety of ways, from holding boundaries to simply getting a massage. Figure out what you need to take care of yourself, and make sure to make space for that in your relationship. And remember to be generous with your partner(s), too.
Healthy lesbian relationships
Relationship advice is a tricky subject whether in the queer & lesbian community or beyond. But when it comes to navigating and growing a loving relationship, there’s a lot of commonality across sexual orientation and a whole range of other demographics. To find love, to feel love, to build love, we need to put in the time and effort. We need to value ourselves and others – to be honest and vulnerable and kind – and also to draw boundaries where we need them. Though we may find it in different places and it may look different for all of us, we all need love and connection in our lives.
