Defining sex for lesbians is as simple as determining whether one or more lesbians is involved. That’s it. The definition of lesbian sex is subjective and multiple and infinite. Sex looks different for everyone. Sure it can include scissoring or strap ons, but it doesn’t have to. It’s not about a set of specific sex acts. If you’re a lesbian, and you’re having sex, well, congratulations, that’s lesbian sex.
Lesbian sex is usually used to mean sex between two women, though not all women who have sex with each other identify as lesbian. These folks can identify in other ways, like bisexual or queer, for example. Lesbian sex also isn't limited to cisgender people. In this article, we’re considering lesbian sex as sexual activity between folks who self-identify as women, whether cis or trans, and whether they are exclusively homosexual or not. So whether you’re curious about first time lesbian intercourse or you’re looking for some pro insights, keep scrolling.
How do lesbians have sex?
OK, so how do lesbians have sex? We’ve already mentioned that it’s not about specific sex acts. It’s not even limited to the stimulation of specific erogenous zones. Lesbian intercourse (or outercourse, as it were) includes a whole range of sex acts, sex positions, and kinds of sexual stimulation. It can be penetrative, or not. It can be oral, vaginal, anal, or none of the above. It can be and look many different ways. Here are some of the different ways that lesbians have sex.
Fingering (and fisting)
Fingering involves using, you guessed, your fingers for sexual stimulation. You can use your fingers to rub, stimulate or penetrate your partner’s genitals or anus. This can include vaginal penetration and clitoral stimulation. Fisting involves using your whole hand to stimulate or enter your partner (vaginally or anally).
Eating out
Also known as cunnilingus, or going down on someone, eating out is oral sex, which involves using your mouth to pleasure someone. You can use your tongue, your lips, your teeth, even your nose technically. “Eating out” is a term commonly used to refer to stimulating someone’s clit or vulva, but it also more broadly applies to all oral sex and even anal rimming.
Scissoring (and tribbing)
An oft-maligned classic lesbian sex position, scissoring involves two people with their legs interlocked like pairs of scissors, rubbing their genitals together. It can be hard to get the right configuration for successful scissoring, but it can definitely work for mutual genital stimulation. Tribbing is a broader term that includes scissoring: it refers to rubbing your genitals on another body part, any body part, in fact. Use your imagination!
Strap-on
Using a strap on is another iconic lesbian sex act, in which one partner wears a dildo strapped into a harness. A strap-on is actually a sex toy with a very long history, but that’s a whole other topic. There are also double dildos that can stimulate both partners at once.
Outercourse
This is a term that refers to sex acts that don’t necessarily involve penetration, like fingering, grinding, and even oral sex. This can still be intimate and infinitely pleasurable. Nipple stimulation (which can include rubbing, pulling, licking, sucking, etcetera) and other types of touch of erogenous zones fall into this category.
Masturbation
Solo and mutual masturbation also falls into the vast range of lesbian sex and can be a fun way to explore your own or your partner’s pleasure. Generally speaking, masturbation is a great way to get to know your own body and what gives you pleasure.
Prepping for lesbian intercourse
Now that you’ve gotten a taste for the broad feast that is lesbian intercourse, how best to prep? We’ve got some tips to ensure maximum pleasure for you and your partner(s).
Communicate with your partner
Talk to your partner about their desires and their boundaries, and share your own. Say what you like or what you don’t and respect when your partner expresses their likes and dislikes. Practice consent and safe sex, always, which includes discussion or disclosure about STI status.
Make sure your hands are sex-ready
Lesbian sex can be pretty hands-on, so you want to make sure your hands and fingers are clean, and that your nails aren’t too long or sharp. This is basic courtesy and hygiene.
Consider lubes, toys, and other accessories
Your hands may be your primary set of tools, but don’t stop there. When it comes to lesbian sex, there’s a range of supplies that may come in handy. Sex toys like strap ons, double dildos, and butt plugs are classic choices. And you may want to pair them with the appropriate lube. Lube is key especially if you’re exploring anal sex, as the anus doesn’t have its own lubrication mechanism. And then there are all sorts of other accessories to try: eye covers, restraints, candles, ice cubes…again you can let your imagination run wild here.
Try different things
All bodies are different. Different types of sex will work differently with different partners. So experiment with your partner, try different sex positions or sex acts – maybe even make up your own.
Some final words on how lesbians have sex
As you’ve read above, lesbian sex is much more than one specific sex act. It can’t be limited or boxed into a certain position or type of sexual stimulation. It doesn’t have to be or look or even feel a specific way. Lesbian sex includes a whole range of sex acts, sex positions, and sexual stimulation. It can feature intercourse or outercouse, penetrative sex or non penetrative sex. Lesbian sex is about intimacy and pleasure. It’s not even necessarily about achieving orgasm (though, yes, of course, that can be nice); if it simply feels good, that’s great. If you and your partner are having a good time, you’re doing it, and you’re doing it right.
The absolute final words on lesbian intercourse and outercourse: Be safe and have fun.
